Things I Wish I Liked (but don’t)

1. Roller Coasters – I drove past Kings Dominion with Tina and Thal on Saturday, and we got to talking about these “fun” rides. I, being completely terrified of heights and having awful motion sickness, think roller coasters are what Satan invents in his downtime (I imagine being The Devil would take up a considerable chunk of time, what with the all the fire, evil spirits, and visits to the mortal world disguised as Michel Lohan). However, I always wanted to like roller coasters. All my friends seemed to have such great times and fond memories of theme parks, while my recollections are ones of crippling terror, mind-numbing peer pressure (“You’ll LOVE this one, just try it, pleeease?”) and eminent thoughts of plunging to my death due to faulty machinery. *

2. Vanilla Ice Cream – Unless it’s covered in chocolate sauce, I really don’t like it. Every time I admit to that I always get incredulous stares from everyone around me and people exclaiming “WHAT? Is that even possible??” like I’m an alien or like I just admitted to stomping on puppies for fun or something equally horrible. I’m SORRY, everyone. I just don’t like it. I really wish I did so I could feel more socially accepted and not so much like a Communist.

3. Jinx You Owe Me a Soda – Do you remember this fun game? When you and somebody else say the same thing at the same time you yell this out first and then the other person can’t speak until they buy you a soda. WHO CAME UP WITH THIS? I HATE this stupid game (same goes for “Punch Buggy No Punchbacks” and if you think I won’t punch you back TRY ME and learn the hard way). It’s not that I really wish I enjoyed it because it seems like so much fun but because I wish I could just let it go when it happens. Instead of being like “oh, yeah, haha, how fun that we said identical things” and laughing it off, I get instantly pissed off and launch into a heated debate as to why this game SUCKS.

4. Heidi Klum and Seal (mostly Seal) – I really wish they didn’t bother me so much. People love them together because they are such a great example of interracial, intercultural marriage, and saying I don’t like them makes me sound like I hate all that. I would angry glares and possibly stones thrown at my head if I publicly announced that I hate them as a pair. I just can’t STAND that man and how every time his name comes up, I get “Kiss From A Rose” stuck in my head. I mean, nobody cared about him BEFORE he married Heidi Klum. Am I right? Oh whatever, you know I am, don’t lie to yourself.

And if you think that song isn’t annoying, go ahead and listen, because you must have had amnesia and forgotten how annoying it is (or how freaking often they insisted on playing it on Q94):

 

 

Also, WHY IS HIS NAME SEAL??? I DON’T GET IT.

UGH.

I’m done now.

  

* Doesn’t it sound like I was a super fun, totally relaxed, completely well-adjusted child?

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